Let's say your girl's favorite character of all time is Hello Kitty. What do you buy her? The ubiquitous Sanrio character has been a staple of the women in our lives for years, and the famous feline's empire is expanding into new partnerships every day (like new toys with hot-shot designer Dr. Romanelli, for instance.)

But for every cool collaboration, there are a dozen Hello Kitty products that make us wonder if the fat cat has checked out and is cashing in. Thing is, we can't entirely blame Sanrio for it all after looking at some of the fan-made stuff that's out there. Here are 20 Hello Kitty items you should pass on when shopping for your Hello Kitty-obsessed girlfriends.

Continue reading after the jump.


20. Hello Kitty Diamond Necklace
This $25,000 diamond necklace was designed by celebrity ex-wife, Kimora Lee Simmons and that should give you a clue as to the market for this necklace was. HK's bow is made of pink sapphires, while her face and chain are comprised of studded diamonds totaling 9.2 carats. We know you'd want to impress the wife with a piece that's both opulent and cute, but trust us -- you'd just be setting a bad precedent and turning a good girl into a gold digger.


19. Hello Kitty Microwave
When leftovers aren't good enough to warmed up by a regular microwave, there's always this Hello Kitty-themed appliance. Covered in pink squiggles and an outline of Hello Kitty's face, this food-nuker not only shows how much you hate your woman's cooking, but also how much you hate appliances. [Via ShinyShiny]


18. Hello Kitty Toilet Set
If your girlfriend's bathroom decor needs a little more Hello Kitty, you could buy her this Hello Kitty toilet set, which includes a lid cover, a toilet paper holder and three floor mats. Because that's just what you need when you're taking the Browns to the Super Bowl -- HK watching your every movement. [Via Gizmodiva]


17. Hello Kitty Vegetable Peeler
OK, at least a microwave is useful, but a vegetable peeler? That's pretty damn random. If you want to show fondness for your lady by telling her to peel potatoes, you should start packing your bags and throw yourself out.


16. Hello Kitty Skin Analyzer
Although the ladies like the skincare products, we're not sure this Hello Kitty skin analyzer would do the trick. Skin-conscious HK lovers can use the device by pressing it against their faces to measure the moisture content, oil content and sun damage. But think about it: this is definitely less couth than getting your girl a cosmetics gift set from Sephora. [Via Kitty Hell]



15. Hello Kitty Ferrari
If you've got the money to burn on an Italian sports car, then surely you have the funds to paint it pink and cover it with Hello Kitty-themed air-brushing. While your woman might like this, remember who's gotta sit in the passenger seat. We're pretty sure this ridiculous ride would come with everything but tinted windows. [Via Gizmodo]


14. Hello Kitty Air Purifier
Is the air your girlfriend breathes Hello Kitty-approved? We thought not. That's why there's this Hello Kitty air purifier, for those who want to make sure every breath is filtered through the face of the mouthless feline. But dude, an air purifier is a pretty lame gift no matter how Hello-Kitty-ed up it is. [Via Akihabara News]


13. Hello Kitty Men's Underwear
You know how women can buy lingerie for themselves and it's still a present for you? FYI -- it doesn't work the other way. For the man who wouldn't mind having HK on his junk, there are these branded tighty whities. Imagine the look on your lady's face when she peels off your pants to see her favorite cartoon mascot. We're totally sure she'll be elated -- and not at all creeped out. [Via Kitty Hell]


12. Hello Kitty Waste Slimmer
Even though Hello Kitty could stand to lose a few pounds herself, she's put her fat face on a line of waste slimmers called the Slender Shaper. It wraps around your waist and shake off the extra fat (because that kind of exercise machine totally worked back in the 1940s). Not to mention you just implied that your girlfriend is fat. No amount of HK cuteness can sugarcoat that. [Via Tokyo Times]



11. Hello Kitty Golf Bag Cover
Tiger -- meet Kitty. For the girlfriend golfer on the go, here's a Hello Kitty golf caddy bag cover. But really: do you want your woman to be carrying around a giant, pink nylon golf bag emblazoned with a cartoon cat while you're together at tee time? Exactly.


10. Hello Kitty Vibrating Shoulder Massager
This vibrating Hello Kitty keychain has been touted as a "a vibrating pink toy great for massaging away the day's stress." If you're feeling more risque, it's the perfect way for your woman to pleasure herself according to sex blog Fleshbot... that is, if she doesn't mind HK's beady, black eyes staring at her while she does it.


9. Hello Kitty Body Fat Meter
For a cartoon cat who's packing on the pounds, Hello Kitty is sure obsessed with BMI. With the Hello Kitty body fat meter, your girl see just how overweight she is, while the feline gives useless advice such as, "An apple a day..." Thanks for the tip, HK. But if wanted to make our girl self-conscious about her body, we'd give her the aforementioned Slender Shaper. [Via Gizmodiva]


8. Hello Kitty Toilet Paper Dispenser
If you girlfriend is too lazy to count out the sheets of toilet paper she needs to use after taking a dump, Hello Kitty is here to help. This piece of Hello Kitty-branded ass-wiping technology can be programmed to dispense the exact amount of paper one needs to keep those cheeks clean. Thing is, you'll probably end up using it more than she will. [Via Kitty Hell]


7. Hello Kitty Instant Ramen
All while Hello Kitty is encouraging HK fans to trim their waistlines and carefully measure body fat, she's also pimpin' her own brand of ramen. We wonder if eating these Hello Kitty-shaped food particles (no idea what they are) will make whoever eats it poop Hello Kitty-shaped turds with which to use the Hello Kitty toilet paper dispenser while sitting on the Hello Kitty toilet set. Better not take that chance. [Via Kitty Hell]


6. Hello Kitty Condoms
We never knew Hello Kitty was an advocate for safe sex. These HK-branded forms of contraception come in cute little lollipops. But don't you think having to tear one of these open before you do the deed might be a mood-killer? Our senses say, "Yes." [Via Hello Kitty Zone]



5. Hello Kitty Lawnmower
Mowing the lawn shouldn't strictly be the province of men. If you get your wife the all-pink lawnmower, you're supporting Hello Kitty in her subtle quest to get more girls to take on the chores typically given to boys. Hello Kitty: the champion of equal-opportunity grass-cutting. But somehow, we don't think your lady will appreciate your sudden support of equal rights. [Via Kitty Hell]


4. Hello Kitty Contact Lenses
What better way to show off Hello Kitty fandom than by wearing an image of the feline on your eyeballs. These freakish Hello Kitty contact lenses are a good litmus test for your relationship. If she scoffs at them, you were meant to be. If she puts them on excitedly, you know it's time to let this one go. [Via Gizmodo]



3. Hello Kitty Dog Hip Dysplasia Orthopedic Brace
Canines who suffer from the hip disease already have to be humiliated by donning a brace -- but a bright pink Hello Kitty one? That's just insult to injury, especially since its Hello Kitty, not Hello Puppy. If you even think about buying this for your girlfriend's pet, we think a charge for animal cruelty is in order. [Via Kitty Hell]


2. Hello Kitty Assault Rifle
What does a husband make for his beloved, gun-toting wife? An AR-15 semi-automatic assault rifle customized to a Hello Kitty theme, that's what. Painted in pink and white, the stock has a decal of Hello Kitty holding her own rifle, and the magazine features pink daisies. It's the cutest scariest weapon we've ever seen, because really -- do you want your wife to learn how to shoot a gun?


1. Hello Kitty Panty Liners
If your lady is looking for an adorable-yet-absorbent feminine hygiene product, look no further. In China, Kotex makes Hello Kitty-branded panty liners. Why? Is it because girls want to be fresh and cute, even below the belt? Fellas, we think it's best that you not go there. [Via Hello Kitty Zone]